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The Zombie Survival Guide: How To Live Like A King After The Outbreak |  | Author: Etienne DeForest
Creator: Art Gelsinger
Publisher: Superior Publishing House
Category: eBooks
This item is no longer available
Rating:  15 reviews
Format: Kindle Book
Media: Kindle Edition
Publication Date: November 23, 2009
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| Editorial Reviews:
Product Description
How do YOU plan on surviving the coming Zombie Apocalypse!
If you are a wussy, don't buy this book. Just the act of opening it will cause your puny mind to loose all control of your bowel movements. You will also become so impotent, not even Viagra will be able to help. If you're weak in the mind and want to read this book I have two suggestions.
One, kill yourself. When you get to the pearly gates tell St. Peter to suck it. On your way to hell, be happy knowing that after about fifteen minutes down there, you will be able to read this book. Plus you will really start liking Death Metal for some reason.
Two, go to prison. Get raped everyday by the Nation until your heart swells with agony and hatred. Construct a shiv made out of your fingernails and potato salad. And the next time they come for you stab them all in the genitals. You will spend the rest of your life in prison but at least you can read the book.
If, however, you ARE strong enough to handle this book - if you're the kind of guy whose genitalia is so tough that you have to put sand in your condoms to feel any sensation, the kind of man that won't ask a girl out unless her boyfriend is within a two foot radius, the kind of man that goes bear hunting with nunchucks - then YOU, you are ready!
This book will not only teach you how to survive the zombie outbreak, but how to do it with STYLE. You will have a horde of zombie slaves! You will live in a palace! You will live like a king! YOU WILL BE WORSHIPED LIKE A GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Customer Reviews:
Showing reviews 1-5 of 15
 Worst zombie book ever? Probably... July 30, 2010
Davide (Mexico)
2 out of 3 found this review helpful
I think this is probably the worst zombie book ever. The author tries to copy the estructure of Max Brooks' "the zombie survival guide" book but fails to do it. I knew before hand that this was not a "serious" zombie book but rather a parody and actually that was the reason for why i bought it, but there lies its main problem: it is not funny at all. In fact, it could be considered to be boring... I think I would be angry if i had paid more than 2 dollars for it. Save your money and your time.
Undead in the Head book review July 21, 2010
Lyle Perez (Anza, CA)
2 out of 2 found this review helpful
That is correct. Here is another zombie survival guide type book I am reviewing. I promised Etienne I would have his review up as soon as possible. I apologize for having two `survival guide' reviews so close to each other. Etienne is a very funny guy, most people won't find his humor comical because he does go a little too far sometimes. It's not bad, I think he's hilarious. When I got the review request from him he made a comment that might have made someone else uncomfortable. I, on the other hand, found his comment very funny. Etienne quickly apologized for the comment and I told him I was dying of laughter, he replied that if I thought his joke was funny then I would dig his book.
Like most survival guides they like to start with reasons why the dead rise. Without a doubt Etienne explanations are my favorite. Not because of the information but of the way he presents them. Some pages have images that go along with the text. When he talks about the ancient Egyptians having the first known outbreak there's a picture of the mummification process, and the mummy has the word `brains' coming out of it like a comic book. There's many other images like that, for whatever reason the zombies rise there is a picture with a character saying the word `brains'. I still get a kick out of that.
I will skip a lot of sections in the book because I don't want to give too much away. I'll briefly mention the `Dealing with Humans After the Outbreak' section. The people Etienne describes are perfect. There really isn't much to this section but it is funny to read what people would possibly do during a zombie outbreak ...like pimp out zombie hookers.
Moving on to the funniest section in The Zombie Survival Guide: How to Live like a King After the Outbreak, `Zombie Training'. I couldn't stop laughing at how Etienne suggests you train your zombie. It consists of beating the zombie senseless until it stops coming after you. That's basically it. After your zombie submits you can teach it to cook you food, take a drive, and even play video games. There are awesome images of this in the book, which alone, are worth the price, to me that is.
Like I said before, Etienne's humor will not be for everyone. I have read some of the reviews about his book and I somewhat have to agree. He does take things a bit too far, but if you want to read some crude humor I suggest this book. It surprised me how easy Etienne's guide was to read. All the jokes were clear and everything flowed well. I still laugh at some of the images in the book. It's one of those things that once you see them they'll stay with you for a long time.
As far as rating goes, throughout the book I was thinking in my head `this is a solid 3 Undead Heads'. I was on the very last chapter, `The Zombie King', and I totally changed my mind. That was probably the funniest, most offensive chapter I have ever read. I was at work reading the ending during lunch and I busted out laughing. My eyes watered and everyone enjoying their lunch in the office looked at me. I went outside to compose myself. But keep in mind that I have a very good sense of humor. I don't find things offensive when it's presented to be for humor. I don't get the feeling of hatred from Etienne so I find it easy to laugh at his jokes. If it wasn't for that last chapter Etienne's book would have received a 3 but I will have to give The Zombie Survival Guide: How to Live like a King After the Outbreak, 4 Undead Heads out of 5.
 I think I broke a rib! June 20, 2010
Xanatos (USA)
3 out of 4 found this review helpful
This book is a great read, full of humor and downright cruel jokes that you can't help but laugh and think "I can't believe they wrote that!" A definite recommendation to anyone who just wants a quick smile-inducing read.
Meh June 6, 2010
April R. Hale
1 out of 4 found this review helpful
This book is a poorly executed rip-off of the far superior Max Brooks books. It's "humor" is juvenile at best and just plain stupid at worst. The writer makes many attempts to get "shock laughter" but fails and ends up sounding like someone parroting common ignorant stereotypes. Don't waste your money- you can find more entertainment watching C-Span or listening to drunken racists at a bar.
Don't take life so seriously - no one gets out alive anyway! May 24, 2010
Crystal Olguin (Texas)
2 out of 4 found this review helpful
If you have a thick enough skin to appreciate the fact that he is not personally attacking anyone regardless of race or gender, and can keep a lighthearted approach to this hilarious piece of work, you will enjoy it as much as I did and everyone else I know that has read it. I can't wait for his next work of pure genius, because I will be acquiring it as soon as it comes out, and the one after that, and the one after that...
Showing reviews 1-5 of 15
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